Perhaps, like me, you’ve noticed an underlying–sometimes surfacing–tension between Jeff and Arnab in posts on this site. As I have learned from the movies, such tensions inevitably signal a future moment of intense connection and union. I have been trying to imagine how that future union may occur…. (air gets all wavy and fuzzy:)
1. Jeff’s family is kidnapped, and despite a bristly relationship with his new partner, Arnab (aka Chak), he is overcome by emotion and falls weeping into Chak’s arms. The latter steels himself–he may tease, but partners is partners. This will not stand.
2. Arnab Chakladieri enjoys a good reputation on a film blog, but when a vulgar young genius (Jeffgang) emerges with sparkling reports about movies about pants, winning the acclaim of all, Chakladieri finds himself bristling with envy. He sets out to destroy Jeffy, but as the latter breaks down into tears at Arnab’s assaults, Chakladieri is overcome with remorse and recognizes the communion of two fellow artists’ souls. Fade to black, with bouncy music.
3. Jeff wanders the virtual territories adrift, unmanned, feeling existentially empty. He comes upon and forges an immediate bristly relationship with a fellow movie fan, and their intense debates erupt into secret passion. Finally, they meet at a hotel, and after a brief fistfight, Arnab carefully kisses Jeff’s eyelids, and Jeff removes a stick of butter from his “Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants” knapsack. Fade to merciful black.
Who’s next? We only need 10 more.
4. Arnab and Jeff trade barbs with another in a weekly comic strip about their love while both wearing fezes. The run of the comic strip goes on for far too long, even after its creator makes a bazillion dollars with a TV show that ignores Arnab & Jeff, and also goes on for far too long…
5. It was only meant to be a carefree trek into the hills of northern Thailand, but when Arnab, a back alley optometrist, and his intercultural doppelganger, Jeff, a nerdy bookstore clerk, find themselves locked away in Myanmar’s Myingya Prison for a crime they did not commit, all hope for the boys’ survival is lost. A daring prison escape led by members of a renegade terrorist cell of the NLD, propels our heroes into an action-adventure extravaganza that evokes both Raiders of the Lost Ark and Midnight Cowboy but with a serious global body count. From Kanchenjunga to the American Badlands, watch Arnab and Jeff stay one step ahead of Interpol agents and assassins working for the nefarious Priory of Sion as they search the world’s most important libraries for evidence of Jesus Christ’s secret love affair with Simon Peter. And in that fateful moment when two men who have battled together across the known earth are forced to choose between duty and honor, all doubts as to the true heir to Christiandom will be erased. Rated R for language, intense moments of extreme violence, religious fanaticism, drug use, and sexually suggestive material.
The Priory of Sion! Oh my!
i find this topic to be mildly amusing. and isn’t it “christendom”?
Yes, it is but I found there to be far too many sites where Christiandom is also used (particularly on religious websites) so I decided to use this particular spelling for greater effect.
i haven’t noticed any tension between arnab and jeff, underlying or surfacing. jeff seems a very sweet, non-tense (if a bit gender-obsessed) man, whereas arnab is as much of a pain in the ass with jeff as he is with everyone. besides, arnab is too self-obsessed to be “tense” with anyone.
I’m sensing tension between Gio and Mike.
Great. Now we can look forward to 13 short films on the topic of Jeff and Gio’s mutual admiration. Mike, what have you begun?
i love you too, chris.
Who’s directing? Who’s casting? I have some dolls that would love to try out for these plum parts.
P.S. I love you too, Gio.
If that’s the case then we need to call Todd Haynes immediately. Still, I’m thinking the Pony is the one to direct. Make a pitch Li’l Pony, make a pitch.
be sure to check out lil pony’s various doll dramas at another blog–I’ll leave it up to gio to provide the names and details of access, since I regard her as one of its rulers.
I mentioned at that blog the long tradition of history of using dolls: The Brothers Quay’s Street of Crocodiles (brilliant and creepy), Todd Haynes’ Karen Carpenter Story (not entirely camp as it provides genuine pathos and the wonderful feature on the Nickelodeon show Ka-Blaam called “Action Justice League” featuring action figures like “Stinky Diver,” “The Flesh (a naked doll”) and its villain The Mayor (who speaks like Ronald Reagan)
I would like to volunteer for the casting efforts–I very much want to meet Nikisha, Kami and Grungie in person.
one caveat–Lil can direct, but a star must be attached to the deal; we at the studio are considering Angelina or Jen, because they are so hot right now thanks to their tabloid presence. We’re talking a cameo with Lana Turner, too and maybe Tony Curtis will agree to take the part of the screaming queen with a hairpiece.
And Bert Lahr as “Bureaucrat #3.”
Wonder what the Brothers Quay have been up to since their live action Instiute Benjamnia? (sp)
It was good, though quite slow. Excellent soundtrack and had a nice Guy Maddin feel to it.
PS – just found out Kids in the Hall are doing 3 shows at a small theater in LA next week. All sold out already, damnit.
Heard about the Kids show. I was offered tickets, but having seen them already, I declined. I am beginning to feel regret. But I can’t afford to fly out to L.A. right now.
check out the pony’s barbie-action dramas at a very nonny mouse (which should link to my name but doesn’t. why doesn’t it, ‘nab?). michael, by the way, is a contributing member. unfortunately, he’s too insecure to contribute anything.